I used to want to be famous. I could sing a little. I wanted to be the centre of attention. I invested a lot in my outer appearance and preaching ideals as a way to create an identity I could be happy with; one that would make people want me. I couldn’t keep it up though, the act was exhausting. I was confusing myself in the process, because I didn’t know I was acting at the time.
The yoga community here has exploded in the last few years, with many teachers becoming quite famous with their beautiful forms in difficult postures. I thought I wanted that too, for a while.
I ponder ways to raise money so that I can do something meaningful that reaches far, yet I now find it quite uncomfortable seeking out the attention like I would have ten years ago. How does one, who wants a simple life, also reach many people? While I was driving to the bakery this morning, I was considering my choice of career. I thought about the people I have shared a space with over the last three years; I’ve watched them evolve and come out of their shells, trusting ME with their own personal journeys. I feel honoured to be able to facilitate this kind of growth, as I feel grateful for the time my teachers spend holding that same space for me. When I arrived at the bakery, the lady I was meeting to sell some baby clothes to, turned out to be a friend of mine! We went to a cafe to have a coffee together where I bumped into a beautiful acquaintance and then my family! I left the cafe thinking how lovely it is to be surrounded by people I love… Although, how then do I reach the people that need to hear what I have to say without becoming an idealistic attention seeker once again?
I tried to fit into this new mould that is a present day western yoga teacher and I felt like a fraud! I think that all types of teachers have an important role to play in our community; I want to touch those that are also feeling like a fish-out-of-water in the world of back bends on the beach in a bikini and expensively decorated studios. Once again I realise my observations and opinions will rub some up the wrong way. There is a place for all of us that want to help another feel better in their skin; it’s just a funny thing to try and build an organisation that will also bring in an income AND be popular enough to raise the kinds of funds that really make a difference to those in the population experiencing serious hardships?
Personally I don’t want a life full of busyness and popularity for popularity’s sake, I want to reach people far and wide with something that might enrich their lives. I enjoy the time I spend in a room, or outside, learning about ourselves together. It is the most fulfilling work I’ve ever done. I want to be with people while they wake up from the illusions of the world; while they battle their own terrain like a warrior. This is what makes me feel excited about life!
These are my thoughts today. I wonder what you thought about today?